October 25, 1999 Ice Is Nice -- Ask Rat Dog Archive

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October 25, 1999 Ice Is Nice

Dear Rat Dog,
        In 1964, my brother's wife left and took my nephews to California. Our letters went unanswered, our gifts were returned, and my brother was told to stay away or he would be arrested.
        Needless to say, this has devastated my family. Until her dying day, my grandmother prayed when the boys were old enough, they would contact us.
        A few years ago, I found a telephone number for their other grandmother. I called and asked to speak to them, but she said she would have to check with their mother, though they were in their 30's at the time.
        She also claimed the youngest was retarded due to the fact that his father had battered him. I know my brother would not have done this so I realized that I was wasting my time trying to communicate through this woman.
        I would like for William and Richard to know they have two aunts who've always loved them, two great-aunts who tried to help them, and a great-grandmother who never forgot them. I want them to know we are not bad people and have a side of the story they never got to hear. -- Kay Lynn, Dallas

Dear Kay,
        Computers are hard-hearted entities. They spew forth addresses and SSNs with ease, but feign no interest in a person's happiness or well-being. Because of this, and because Richard declined to answer his correspondence, our discovery was limited to determining little more than that he and his wife reside in a condo in Fresno.
        Unfortunately, we know even less about William. There was no trace of him under his date of birth, neither in death records nor at family residences. This could be consistent with his grandmother's explanation that he was mentally challenged. Such a person would rarely participate in the kind of activities that leave a footprint on a database.
        Without being privy to what transpired between their parents, we are hesitant to be overly critical of the mother. That would be as unfair as it is for your nephews to judge your family based upon their mother's bitter recollections from almost four decades past.
        I would encourage you to keep writing.

Dear Rat Dog,
        Is it really true that the only perfect murder weapon is an icicle? (You might not want to publish this because you could give the crazies a bad idea.) -- Lee Evans via email

Dear Lee,
        And you are asking this, why?
        Assuming it is for the purpose of offing some fictional character, I would be more than happy to answer, given the caveat that I've never actually killed anyone, except for one client whom I found particularly irksome. But then, that book remains just this side of published.
        Anyway, regarding said icicle: According to the index of Armed and Dangerous - A Writer's Guide to Weapons, by Michael Newton, there's no such thing as the icicle murder weapon. So maybe you're right. Perhaps the icicle has gone undetected as an instrument of extending extreme ill will.
        Death by ice has its pros and cons. Since homicides are solved by the collection of evidence, it doesn't take an inspector to figure out that the less evidence, the more difficult the investigation.
        So, if the icicle melts a little, you've got no fingerprints. If it melts a lot, you're left without a murder weapon. And if it melts too soon, you've got no dead body; just a killer-wannabe sloshing around with an ice chest full of water.